Saranté Eptá

So this weekend I got invited to join a D&D game, and was all, like, why not? I haven’t done any of that since 1995, when I said goodbye to my regular gaming group and went off to LA for animation school. And we were playing GURPS; the last time I played <em>Dungeons and Dragons</em> was in, like, 1990 or so, with a mix of 1st and 2nd edition AD&D rules and a homebrew spell point system.

I had however picked up the 5th Ed PHB and DMG sometime last year, and done half the work on a character, so I pulled her out and nailed down her specs.

Saranté Eptá is a kobold thief entertainer. Please pay no attention to the dagger hidden in one of her bangles and the lock picks in another. I’m sure you’re busy trying to politely avoid staring at the parts barely covered by that too-small loincloth with the grinning belt buckle, anyway. Also kindly ignore how heavy her mandolin is. Surely it’s not built around a steel bar so it can be used as a weapon when a scheme goes awry.

Her history:

The forty-seventh daughter of the Year of Charenox was supposed to be special. Her egg was the first one laid after the legendary accountant Counts-In-Circles was pilloried by an angry mob for her role in the Melanchurion Affair, and as such she was expected to be the reincarnation of Counts. It is unclear whether she is actually dyscalculaic or simply sick to death of keeping track of other people’s hoards after a lifetime spent on that; either way, she fled her tribe of city kobolds rather than resign herself to a life of adding up numbers. No, for her it was the romance of the open road, and a mandolin “liberated” from an apprentice luthier. Someday she may return home. Maybe. If she feels like it. Or if someone ties her up and drags her there. I’m sure that’s not a potential plot hook or anything.

Somewhere along the way between there and the events of the campaign, she has gotten pretty good at playing that mandolin, and learnt to squeeze some pleasingly unearthly noises out of it.

The rest of the party includes a statuesque black cat lady who is a cleric of a barbarian death cult, a former male human druid who was turned into a mind-blind illithid lady by a diety’s whim, and a crow bard of uncertain gender (probably male) who is unable to speak except in, essentially, samples of things he’s heard.

Three members of the party play instruments (cleric: drums, bard: hurdy-gurdy/samples, Sarante: mandolin), and we are joking about the illithid singing… which would make us a travelling death-metal band, as illithids don’t have tongues and produce speech by jamming a tentacle down their mouths and using it as a crude substitute, which I insist on imagining coming out like Cookie Monster vocals.

Should be fun!

(And if by some reason you care to read her whole character sheet, go here and have a look. I am so glad I found this site, calculating all the resistances and whatnot is a poorly-documented pain in the ass!)

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