Today in circus strength & fitness class we did burpees. Then we did something even worse. Something known simply as “Russian Abs”.
They were brutal and horrible and my inner sadist wants to make me do some every fucking day.
1. Lie on your back, arms and legs straight. Arms are above your head.
2.Lift your arms and legs slightly off the floor.
3. Keeping your legs off the floor, lift your torso up towards verticality.
4. Go back down to 2; repeat 3/2 two more times.
5. Do 3/2 again, except lifting your legs up and keeping your torso slightly off the ground. 3x for this, too.
6. Lift arms and legs together. Yeah. Good luck with doing this once, lay alone three times.
You’re not done.
7. Roll onto one side. Stretch arms and legs out. Keep them just off the ground.
8. 3x: lift arms/torso.
9. 3x: lift legs.
10. 3x: lift arms and legs. Consider weeping.
11. Roll onto the other side. It must suffer identically.
12. On your front. One last time. Same as the first round except you’re on your belly bending backwards, instead of on your back bending forwards.
13. Weep openly. Embrace Mother Earth; be thankful for her support. You are done with the horror of Russian Abs. You may want to lie to your body and say you will never do them again.
This is what I signed up for. I hate my past self.
Also it turns out that the school is going to be closed on the day I was planning on skipping the Strength & Flexibility class for my impulsive trip to the desert. Yay!